somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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