Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
