Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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