he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
