I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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