I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize