he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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