We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Are my feet made of real feet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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