Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
