You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
