I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize