They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
