Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize