That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
