i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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