Where is the hickey?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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