Are we in a gay sports bar?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
