omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
