Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he fucked my hip out of place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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