"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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