oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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