Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
