I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
