I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
