The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
