you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize