After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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