Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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