if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
