I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
