my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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