So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
