You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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