Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
