I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
