Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
