if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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