alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
