ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
