is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
