he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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