im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
