what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
