overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize