i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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