I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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