I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
