batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
