he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
