So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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