omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
