Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize