I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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