you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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