ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I forget how to act sober
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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