Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
