You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
