Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
