I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
