Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we're making bets on your personal life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
