Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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