Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
