Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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