So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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