my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
