got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
