Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
