so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
